Day 1: Just Being

Well here goes nothing. I have resolved to just write. I have resolved to write about whatever comes to mind, about wherever life takes me… which is currently at a Starbucks in the middle of Sydney’s Central Business District. I am not here because of their great coffee (actually, it’s pretty shit when you compare it with the rest of the coffee shops around the city), but because they’re open later than most places here and convenience has its price.

Assuming you got this far, you are either: (a) one of the friends I sent the blog URL to or (b) are up at night on Christmas Eve combing through random blogs to avoid direct eye contact with your family members. In either case, welcome! More details about my life will ensue, so let’s resolve that it’s gonna get personal. Mmkay?

My intent for this blog is to be my form of daily gratitude, a concept which I will discuss more below and well into the future. Even though some of it might come off as my misplaced attempt at humour, I always hope for it be genuine, something we can often lack in our daily lives because of emotional walls we build rather than having the courage to be vulnerable (thanks Brené Brown). I also reserve the right to change my intentions and my opinions as we go along, mainly because I can be horribly indecisive, but also because I am incorrigibly human.

I had become aware of this ‘daily gratitude’ thing through multiple self-help YouTube channels and through watching countless people making ridiculously ornate Bullet Journals, often leaving space for a ‘gratitude’ section. But it wasn’t until I watched a video by one of my favourite YouTube channels, Kurzgesagt, that there seems to be some scientific evidence that this new-age-sounding concept might work, so I decided I should finally give it a try. And what better way to do that than post it on the internet for everyone to see and live forever and ever… amen.

Today is Christmas Eve, and for the first time I’m spending it on my own. I say this not to get sympathy, but to give you context. An optimist would say that it is precisely because I didn’t have to go to a Christmas Eve dinner that I actually had the time (read: bored) to finally start this blog. The concept of giving oneself that room to reflect is also something I will discuss in the future.

And maybe it is in the absence of proverbial (and often literal) noise of family obligations and expectations of others that I am able to reflect on what I am truly grateful for (more on that tomorrow when it’s actually, ya know, Christmas).

Today, I am grateful to just be. That’s it. To just exist. That’s a good start, isn’t it? If not a little cliché. That being said, I can’t say that’s something I have always felt. Actually, this is probably one of the few times I have actually felt it. And the cynic in me says the seeds of doubt will likely spring up again. But you know what? That’s ok. For now, on this Christmas Eve, I am giving myself the gift of compassion.

I feel like I place a high bar for myself, sometimes to the point it is not attainable and forget the things that are right in front of me. Sometimes it takes talking to those who genuinely care in order for me to be genuine with myself and others. And yes, sometimes you need people that will (compassionately) take you down a notch not because they want to rise up, but because they know the ways in which they can build you up. To them, I am eternally grateful, but I know that will come up many more times again. I owe a lot to the those around me.

And if it sounds like I’m being vague, it is on purpose. How I see it, recounting stories should always be to provide context for a goal, and it this case, that goal is to better acknowledge that gratitude.

And for today, I am just grateful for just being.